Turns out Lady GaGa is not appropriate for a 5 and 3 year old to listen to. I did the kid music thing and spent years adoring children’s songs sung by angsty musicians. I rocked out front and center at the "Doodlebops Live." I have loudly and proudly declared, "Laurie has a pig on her head." Frankly, why is it funny to have a pig on your head? Swine flu started because a kid was playing with a fucking pig. He may have had it on his head and now we have a full blown pandemic. More importantly, why didn't I write a song about putting a pig on my head? Or putting a cat on my mom's head? Some days I really do wish my mother had a rabid cat on her head.
In the past couple of years I’ve gotten off track. I rebelled a little. I inched my way back into listening to MY music (except for the Jonai. I will freely admit it’s not mandatory for kids to be present to listen to them.) At first it was adorable hearing my kids sing The Carpenters or the Bee Gees. It’s like when an old person says, "Cocksucker." However, crossing the line has come with a price. When my daughter sang, "Mariana and Moroccan hash have got me stoned" it felt a little wrong but I let it go. However, I recently heard her sing "ride on your disco stick." It’s only a matter of time before she asks me questions. It’ll go something like this, "Mama. Mama. Mama! What’s a disco stick? How do you ride it? Can I ride it? Why can't I ride it?" My son will whine, "I want to ride it too-oo-oooo-oooooooooo." They will start to argue about who gets to ride it first and ask me to set the timer so they can take turns riding it.
I am reminded of the time when my then 2 year olds pre-school teacher asked what kind of music we listen to in the home. I answered, Madonna. She looked at me all judgey and said, "Hmmmm. Just beware of the lyrics." I know how to raise my children. I told her to go fuck herself (in my head.) Looking back I should have headed her warning just a little. I have come to my senses. Sadly Lady GaGa and a few others have been relegated to after hours.
"I won't tell you that I love you. Kiss or hug you. ‘Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin......"